Friday, October 1, 2010

The Unspoken Horrors of IT

We all know the kinds of things that happen in front of a keyboard and computer monitor.

The kinds of things you wouldn't really want to discuss with Nana... Or Mum... Or any polite company really.

Which is fine!

Those that know me know, I'm certainly no conservative (Hi mum!)

I'm more than happy for people to do whatever unspeakable act they like bathed in the glow of their LCD screens... Today however, during the normal course of our duties, we were confronted with the gory aftermath of such escapades.

A laptop came in for repair and it was simply filthy. Apparently a "Glass of water" had been spilt on it, but upon further investigation, we wondered at the possible divity of the user as the "water" seemed very much like "Red Wine".

All thoughts of divinity were quashed when we noticed some suspicious looking stains on the T and Y keys.

"There's no way" the team all thought, experiencing a rare, collective recoil... But we just had to know.

It happens that where we work we have access to black lights and people trained in the CSI style use of them. And with very little prompting one such trained professional proceeded to investigate our suspect stains... And confirmed our fears.

Suspicious and unsettling white stains - Photo by Tyson

"The stains are most likely a bodily fluid"

Those... white... stains... are... a... Bodily Fluid...

The mind BOGGLES!

Why in the name of all that's holy would you present a computer for repair so recently after, what can only be described as, having sex with it?

Why, sweet Christ, not use a tissue or wet wipe when finished?

Let me tell you in the cold light of day, far removed from the intense solo passions of an evening "family movies", the reality sinks in... This dude just had sex with his computer... Then split red wine on it... THEN asked us to fix it for him.

Bravo, anonymous porno jerk off guy... BRAVO!